Somewhere in the three chaotic years since I finished high school, I passed an age (18? 20?) where people decided that I’m not allowed to sit at the kids table anymore. While I’m all for being able to vote and drink wine, sometimes I just can’t help but feel that I’ve snuck through some kind of invisible barrier, that I’m dressed in my mum’s clothes and carrying a fake ID and that no ones noticed yet.
You know what I mean, right? I live out of home yet I have no idea how to change a tire or file a tax return. I have my own successful business even though I really struggle to eat enough veggies and iron my clothes. Here’s a list of things that might help us all get there. Please note I am in no way qualified to be saying any of this, okay let’s go:
• Learn how to say no to a second slice of cake, even if it’s a moist double chocolate mud with a creamy choc raspberry ganache filling. ( Ohmygosh, ganache.)
• Work out how to spell the dreaded words that summon the red squiggly underline daily- unnecessary, entrepreneur, curvaceous.
• Attempt to understand taxes, the voting system and the magical manoeuvre that is parallel parking.
• Run. Or exercise. Or do anything physical that doesn’t involve krumping to Beyoncé or Nikki Minaj songs.
• Stop buying a new bottle of water every time you need something to drink and start filling a bottle up at home.
• Ask your mum what all the little symbols on the tags of your clothes mean, and start separating whites and blacks and colours and things with stripes and whatever else the rules suggest.
• Start ordering salads when you go out to eat?? At the very least quit making insane changes to your order- “and instead of chips can I please have the butter chicken on the side. Yes, the whole meal, that’s right.”
• Watch the news instead of the same episode of friends you saw last week, and two months ago, and about six times before that.
• Choose your nail polish colours based on appropriateness rather than excellent names, even if “bikini so teeny” sounds like more fun than “pale pink”.
• Go to bed at a reasonable hour. Wake up at a reasonable hour. Repeat.
• Try and have more than $5 in your bank account at all times, and some sort of emergency fund somewhere for emergencies.
• Set a vague episode limit on Netflix, especially when you have somewhere to be. Cupcake wars is still gonna be there when you get home.
• Stop using the poo emoji when someone texts you something you didn’t want to hear. Try saying “oh no, that’s not what I wanted to hear!” instead.
• Realise that a selfie a day does not keep the doctor away.*
• Speaking of doctors, be able to book an appointment yourself and not spend the whole time wishing your mum was there to explain the problem.
• If you’re getting your eyes tested and it’s all happening too quickly and you don’t understand, say that instead of sweating nervously and ending up with glasses that you don’t need.
• Know how to cook more things than fish fingers, frozen pizza and toast.
Who am I kidding? Some of these little mannerisms- well, the ones to do with food- are my favourite part of the day. Do you feel like a real life grown up yet? When will it happen? Are all adults really just big kids winging it?!! So many questions!
Chloe Jane x
*I am not a medical professional- for all I know a selfie a day might keep the doctor away, and we’ll never know without your innovative life’s research.