*or, the reason that I am so bad at replying to “hey how are you” messages on facebook and why I am okay with that.
At the time of writing (23rd December 2015, 4:11PM) it is a Wednesday afternoon and I have been told six times this week that I am juggling too much, that I’m “such a busy girl” or that I need to take some time out and breathe. I used to think that these statements were a point of pride, and as stoked as I am that I can juggle with the best of them, I am exhausted.
Since Saturday it’s been a particularly big one- I’ve worked twenty two hours at three different jobs, done about fifteen hours with two of my three businesses- that’s fifty something packages, twelve outgoing orders, and roughly a a hundred emails sorted through and ticked off, as well as social media management and marketing and manufacturing taken care of, we’ve cleaned and sorted for an open house, helped birth five puppies, bought a home**, moved in, done the Christmas shopping and planned a day trip at 6:45 in the morning and a big chrissy dinner for tomorrow night.
Recently I emailed the gorgeous Emma Kate, and her automated reply made me think; in that moment, hours later, last week and again today. “These tasks [that I’m probably busy doing] call for full immersion, utter devotion and MUCH hustle. You know that quote, wherever you are be all there? I’m trying really hard to be that person”.
Me too Emma, me too- slowly but surely. The first half of 2015 I spent racing from life to life, replying to Instagram comments at 2AM with my sweet boyfriend sleeping cold and snuggleless next to me, pouring latte art at one job while mentally running through special guests I’d be serving the same night at another, pleasing everyone else but not taking the time to actually live. It got to the point that I was seriously feeling my sunny disposition and stable mental state wavering, and I feel no shame in sharing that I needed to just stop for the sake of outrunning the black dog and a medley of sorrow.
Now, wherever I am I am all there. Whether it’s in the studio packing up orders and pouring candles, or out for a beach stroll with my friends, my worlds will not pile on top of each other like the hand pile game that I used to play with my grandpa the way they have been lately. Sure, it means I’ll be a little harder to get a hold of- I rarely have a block of spare time that I can devote to Facebook messaging, it’s more likely that I’ll send you a Christmas card or letter after a few months or years letting you know I like you a lot still. I might lose some business, and that’s okay- organic growth is lovely. I don’t ask any of my loved ones to understand, I just ask that they respect my time and breathing space- and am so excited to see where this goes.
Big, calm, happy love,
Chloe Jane xo
** more on this one to come, when I have the time and energy to do a stunning job at it!